Some Old School Philosophy About Being a Wife

It’s over seven years since I first published this article online. 

In the mean time a whole new generation of ‘millennial’ young women are coming through and need to think about the marriage vows and what this kind of commitment means.

Here is a christian philosophy that has worked historically for countless generations and in my opinion well worth considering by post modernists!

Scribblings about Being a Wife

By Elizabeth Evans.

There are times in life when, like a mountain climber adjusts his footing on a knot in the climb rope, one reaches a critical point, pauses, takes stock, makes decisions and either goes up or down.

The decision made at that critical point determine the rest of the journey.

Even in my lifetime I have seen the proliferation of opportunity for girls to choose their journey in an abundant number of roles, and yet the role causing the heart to pitter-patter, the rose to bloom on the cheek, and the smile to light her face, is the anticipation of the title, ” Wife.”

I have at times had cause to review the job description, and my CV for my personal “sign up” for the role of Wife.

For 10 years of my life, I trained to be a missionary nurse and yet in the blink of an eye I tossed it all aside to take on the position “wife.”

Yes, “wives” can perform a myriad of tasks but when you take on the “wife” career that is what you are first and foremost.

I take pride in the fact that with perhaps some slip-ups along the way, I kept my word to the best of my ability, being very mindful that I made some magnificent promises on the Saturday that I stood at the church alter. These promises  need reviewing from time to time.

In the presence of God, my friends and family I vowed some things.

In the euphoria of the moment and without retrospective experience, I promised some things that at times I hated to do, but hey, I vowed a vow and as I said I am proud of the fact that to the best of my ability I keep my word.

The job description of “Wife” lies in the vows one makes.

Firstly, I vowed to Love the person standing by me.

Love has many definitions and Scripture makes it very clear.

Before taking on the role of wife, one needs to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 many times and ask if that is what you are able to do to the person you are committing to. If not, do not take on the job.

There are many other ways to find fulfilment in life.

There are also many other women out there who would be willing to do this with the chap in question!

If you cannot love the person like Scripture suggests, then let someone who can,  do it, because it is pointless to make you and the bloke miserable.

What then is this thing called “love.”

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love is not jealous.

Love does not brag.

Love is not arrogant.

Love does not act unbecomingly.

Love does not seek its own.

Love is not easily provoked.

Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

Love endures all things.

Love never fails.

Scary hey!

The second part of my vow was to Honour.

The vow proclaimed that I would give this person high respect.

As a nurse, I showed my respect to my patients by allowing them dignity, anticipating and providing for their needs, keeping their confidences, and listening to their words.

I hesitate to bring up the Proverbs 31 wife but her husband had ” honour being known in the gates.”

There was no bad mouthing or behind his back complaining to diminish his dignity.

He was well talked about, well dressed, and respected so that he took his place with dignity among the rulers.

Scripture says, ‘A wise woman builds her house and a foolish woman plucks it down.’

Church leaders have taken on board of late the value in honouring all members of the church community. This takes the form of special words of appreciation in public and privately.

It is said, Women need to be loved and men have a basic need to be respected.

Men need to feel it and to hear it often.

The wife candidate should ask herself does this man have my respect, do I have the capacity to present him to the world with honour, and assure him daily of my respect.

If you do not, let someone else do it!

Now we get to the prickly part. Yes, I promised to Obey.

Some girls have written the word out of their vows. I ponder why?

Submission is a principle of a successful life. It starts with conforming to ones parents, schoolteachers, bosses etc.

Fitting into social structure makes for a smooth life. So, back to the “why” I ask, why do girls flee from the “obey” word because:-

  1. They do not trust this bloke to make good decisions. They don’t trust his ability to collaborate. They do not trust him to do only what is best for them. Well then, do not marry him!
  2. They have not learned to trust themselves to fit in with his plans.

In that case, there is personal work do, firstly in submission to God, followed by other attitudes like domination that need sorting out.

     3. Perhaps a personal belief in ones own power of dialogue and persuasion needs development!

The job description goes on:

In sickness and in health. Diversity brings it own challenges to everything including the role, “wife.”

The fact is if you vowed it, then you stick with it. That is the job description.

Till death do us part. In my professional role, it has been said to me of some marriages, “I don’t want to put up with this for the rest of my life”.

(recent horror stories in the media of  wife brutality, obviously this kind of behaviour is a deal breaker).

It is sad when the journey gets so bad that a sentiment like that is expressed, but yes, I have seen the principles of the marriage vows turn a bitter marriage into a joy. Yes, I have.

As I write this, I see and hear my Mother and remember her example as she fulfilled the wife role splendidly.

She married in her late 30s to a man in his mid 40s.

Mother came from a Christian pioneering Australian family.

My father left his Irish home aged 16. He spent his years in the navy, travelled the world, fought several wars, married and buried his wife, and found the Lord in his 40s.

O yes, they were different, but they made it!

I remember my Mothers cheeky smile as she said to me, “the Lord told me He has given me this man to bring him to Glory”. And yes, it was not always easy but she did, and had lots of fun on the way.

PS. I can hear women screaming at me, what about the men!

O yes, don’t get me started on that!

However, you know what, when I stand before God the only questions for which I will be asked to give an account  are the things that I have done, and I vowed a vow!

So girls be sure you know the job description , check your own CV before you sign up for the job, “Wife.”

One Response to “Some Old School Philosophy About Being a Wife”

  1. Adele Holdsworth Says:

    Excellent, agree with every word

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